Missionary Kid Monday: Freshman Regrets

{For more on this series, click here}

I'm embarrassed about my whole first semester of college. If I could go back in time, I'd give myself a good ol' fashioned kick in the pants.

Here's how my outward behavior can be summed up:

I ate.
I slept.
I studied.

Here's what my insides looked like:

I pouted.
I was homesick.
I thought I was better than everyone else.
I wanted acceptance from my American peers - even though I refused to extend them any.

I spent a lot of time on the phone and via e-mail with high school friends who were spread out across the country. I took a road trip to Taylor to visit some of them and wished I had gone to college there instead! In fact, I even ordered a transfer application once I got back.

Meanwhile, all the other freshmen in my dorm were forming friendships. They were establishing the normal clicks that develop during college. I would join in with a few activities here and there, but always as the outsider.

While I was busy pouting and wishing I was elsewhere, I was missing the boat on that crucial stage where new friendships are formed.

 via

And once that window of time closed, there was no real turning back. So I have a lot of regret about that first semester.

One noteworthy event that November:

My Taylor University transfer application came in the mail. I remember holding it, alone in my dorm room. Thinking: Do I follow my friends for a chance at a happier college career? Or do I stay put here - the only college where I can get my deaf ed degree?

And then that decisive moment of truth when I threw the application into the trash can. That was the moment when I chose to focus on my future instead of trying to relive the past. The moment that I did what I had to do instead of what I felt like doing. That was the moment when I became an adult!

What about you? When did you know you were officially an adult?